It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date
with Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
'Oh, come on in!'  Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. 'Have a seat
in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? tea?'
'tea, please,' Fred said. Mum brought the  tea..
'So, what are you and Sue planning to do tonight?' she asked.
'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the
Wimpy bar, maybe take a walk on the beach...'
'Sue likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
'Really?' Fred replied; eyebrows rose.
'Oh yes,' the mother continued. 'When she goes out with her friends,
that's  all they do!'
'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulously.  'Yes,' said the mother. 'As a
matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate
plans for the evening.
A moment later, Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture
wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy
ponytail. She greeted Fred.
'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Sue burst into the house and
slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mum!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen.
'The fucking dance is called the Twist!

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives,

however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. 

 Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. 

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. 

 Her friend, though, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin 

them. 

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a 

ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their 

business they proceeded to go home. 

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed, 

hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "The girls' nights out have got to stop!  

I'm starting to suspect the worst:  my wife came home with no panties!"

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her arse that said,

 "From all the lads at the Fire Station.   We'll never forget you.'"

After  numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive,"
Osama  himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared  to contain a single line of Coded message:
370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice.
Condi and her aides had  not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the  FBI so it went to the CIA, then to NASA.
Eventually they asked Britain's MI6 for help.

Within a minute MI6 cabled the White House with this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man
standing alone.
She approached him.
"My name is Carmen," she told him.
"That's a beautiful name," he said. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like
most, cars and men."
"What's your name?" she asked.
"Beertits," he said.